‘Sup. You know when you write out a 1000 word blog post and your laptop crashes? Fuck my life. Lets pretend that never happened. Just another one of those weeks.
So yeah, this week is another training week where I essentially take the week off work to listen to webinars all day. Sounds great right? Free week off.
It’s shit. I’m sure for the average Joe it’s perfect but I’m dying to get back into my working schedule. It’s only Tuesday and the constant time alone with my thoughts is sinking in already. My work day consists of an hour webinar, answer a question (takes me ten minutes, takes the others two hours), wait two hours, rinse and repeat. Those two hours of waiting gives me plenty of the auld thoughts. self-deprecation, depression, worry, confusion comes flooding through solely because I’m not keeping busy. Over the last two weeks I’ve been doing great. Positive, finding my hobbies, doing great at driving, never being in the house; but shit when you’re cooped up and lonely it all comes back to you. The feeling of being worthless seriously, seriously sucks. I KNOW that isn’t the case, but you can’t help but remind yourself that it’s a bit true. But that’s not the end of it, then you have to convince yourself that the scenarios you’ve created in your head aren’t going to happen – there is no magical ‘reset’ button and no matter how wild your imagination can fly, you can’t predict what’s going to happen or if you’ll ever find ‘it’ again. Writing it out, I guess I can understand the decision. No one deserves that. Hindsight’s a bitch, huh? Welcome to my brain! Confused, terrified, full of useless ideas, tons of hobbies yet master of none!
Turns out I needed a bit of a rant today, goddamn! Not that it makes much sense, but it’s only supposed to make sense to myself. Basketcase and all :’).
So shit, anyway! My 35mm 1.8f came last week (after much deliberation from DX trying to steal my lens, the arseholes!) and daaaamn son, that lens is fantastic. Few terrible examples at the bottom since I haven’t had the time to go and do some proper photography. All I can say is that this lens is an utter beast. The light it captures is phenomenal. I kind of wish I went straight for the 1.4 but I’m already struggling to choose the right aperture for the shot. At £110, who can complain right?
Naturally the first thing I did was run straight to the outdoors. The day was gorgeous so I went on adventure. No seriously, I got lost as fuck. Little Thorpe is this tiny collection of ridiculously nice houses near my town – they conveniently have a clearing I guess I would say. Just a giant forest of thorns, rose bushes and shit trees. Oh, and Rapeseed. Rapeseed everywhere. Like a dumbass I decided the bottom of the clearing would be peeeerfect to get some shots. Not only did it take an hour to get back up the hill from the bottom, but all the shots were utter garbage. No lighting due to weeds, noise everywhere and generally un-pretty plants. Turned into a bust for my portfolio, but a win for an adventure! Fitbit told me I did 12,000 steps in that clearing. I swear it was only a mile long in the first place. Good workout!
Lets hope for good weather this weekend. Adventure time! Jump on a train and see where it takes me. May as well get ready for Scotland whilst I have the chance.
I seriously miss my kitties so here’s some cat tax on the way to the clearing: